It was starting to look like an early Spring, but today they forecast 6-8 inches of snow. And from the looks of it, we are getting it all at once! We can barely see out the window, and everything is covered in beautiful, fluffy white snow.
Today cousins Kim and Dan and their beautiful daughters Taegan and Clara are coming to visit for the weekend, and Nana is coming too. Hubby and I made a special trip to pick up wine and beer, and lots of groceries in case we get snowed in. We are looking forward to a fun weekend full of good food, good friends (because we are lucky that they are more than just family), and the sounds of little girls laughing.
I will take pictures, promise!
Shabbat Shalom everyone, and have a great weekend!
Life with Kerri is having company.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Kerri gets mad.
Kerri brought home a book from the school library called "The Dog Who Found Christmas", by Linda Jennings. Without even looking at the contents of the book, I started reading it to her. My heart dropped when I realized the book starts off with an irresponsible family that adopts a puppy and then drops it off in the middle of nowhere on a cold snowy day because it misbehaved (as all puppies do).
Before I even had a chance to say anything, Kerri angrily stated: "You mean, they abandoned him?". And before I could even say yes, she furiously added: "Like I was abandoned, because they did not want me?".
Did you hear me inhale sharply? I felt like I was punched in the gut. I paused for a second or two to catch myself, and then proceeded to tell her how very wrong it was for this family to even adopt the puppy if they were not willing to love it and train it. And that if they could not keep it, they had options, like a shelter or finding it a new home instead of just leaving it out all alone, scared in the cold.
And then Kerri added: "I was left all alone too - I was scared and cold". I reassured her it was not the same, because she was not left out in the cold snow but in a warm, busy train station where she would be found very soon. And that although we did not know why she was left, it most certainly was not because she misbehaved. Kerri took this all in, and then went and hugged Pookie and told him that, although sometimes she got angry with him, she would never abandon him. And then she apologized to Pookie for telling him in the past that she did not want him (she usually would say this after he would steal one of her toys). It was an awesome moment.
Although we have had these conversations before, I was taken aback by her reaction this time. Not because she identified with the puppy, but because this time was different. Instead of being sad, hurt, or depressed; Kerri was angry. She was mad at the puppy's family for their actions, and she was mad at her birth family for abandoning her. This is the first time I see Kerri react this way. She would usually cry, or tear up, or get sad. She would blame herself. This time she blamed her birth family and was furious.
I am no psychologist, but I think this is a turning point for Kerri. I hope it actually is a good thing, because to me, it feels like she is secure in her place in our family and knows she is loved and wanted. And she is finally not blaming herself. Until recently, Kerri would fantasize about all the different ways she could find her "real" family and convince them to love and want her, and then go back to live with them. Now, it seems she wants to confront them instead - and she does not want to go to China to live with her birth family anymore.
I don't know what brought about this change, because it is not something we really talk about unless she brings it up, and she has not done so in a very long time. And I am reminded that sometimes, without even meaning to, things happen in her life that remind her of that wound we have not been able to heal, no matter how hard we try.
Life with Kerri can hurt sometimes.
Before I even had a chance to say anything, Kerri angrily stated: "You mean, they abandoned him?". And before I could even say yes, she furiously added: "Like I was abandoned, because they did not want me?".
Did you hear me inhale sharply? I felt like I was punched in the gut. I paused for a second or two to catch myself, and then proceeded to tell her how very wrong it was for this family to even adopt the puppy if they were not willing to love it and train it. And that if they could not keep it, they had options, like a shelter or finding it a new home instead of just leaving it out all alone, scared in the cold.
And then Kerri added: "I was left all alone too - I was scared and cold". I reassured her it was not the same, because she was not left out in the cold snow but in a warm, busy train station where she would be found very soon. And that although we did not know why she was left, it most certainly was not because she misbehaved. Kerri took this all in, and then went and hugged Pookie and told him that, although sometimes she got angry with him, she would never abandon him. And then she apologized to Pookie for telling him in the past that she did not want him (she usually would say this after he would steal one of her toys). It was an awesome moment.
Although we have had these conversations before, I was taken aback by her reaction this time. Not because she identified with the puppy, but because this time was different. Instead of being sad, hurt, or depressed; Kerri was angry. She was mad at the puppy's family for their actions, and she was mad at her birth family for abandoning her. This is the first time I see Kerri react this way. She would usually cry, or tear up, or get sad. She would blame herself. This time she blamed her birth family and was furious.
I am no psychologist, but I think this is a turning point for Kerri. I hope it actually is a good thing, because to me, it feels like she is secure in her place in our family and knows she is loved and wanted. And she is finally not blaming herself. Until recently, Kerri would fantasize about all the different ways she could find her "real" family and convince them to love and want her, and then go back to live with them. Now, it seems she wants to confront them instead - and she does not want to go to China to live with her birth family anymore.
I don't know what brought about this change, because it is not something we really talk about unless she brings it up, and she has not done so in a very long time. And I am reminded that sometimes, without even meaning to, things happen in her life that remind her of that wound we have not been able to heal, no matter how hard we try.
Life with Kerri can hurt sometimes.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
We're back!
It's been a busy week, but I was not able to log on to update the blog. Not because I was busy, but because our computer needed some attention. It seems that our virus protection was not working properly, and we had quite the infection of viruses, worms and Trojans. Thank goodness hubby knows how to deal with these things, and I am back!
So let's catch up. Kerri brought home her first report card. Considering all she has been going through and dealing with, I was not expecting such an awesome report card. We are so very proud of her for doing her best, and achieving such high scores! She finally made her first "A-" in Visual Arts. All her other grades vary between "B" and "B+". And she was graded "Excellent" in the areas of Responsibility, Independent Work, Initiative, and Collaboration. Yes, I am bragging - because my daughter has an IEP at school that is working! And now that the teachers know and use different methods to ensure her comprehension, and understand her issues, Kerri is blossoming in school - her grades reflect that accomplishment. I could not be prouder of my daughter; and so extremely grateful to her school and dedicated teachers.
Speaking of dedicated teachers...her teacher and I had another conversation yesterday. Kerri is finally speaking up and telling the teacher about her concerns regarding the bullying behaviour from the special needs student. It is a daily occurrence, and it happens to anyone - not just Kerri. But Kerri finally has put her fears aside and is trusting her teacher. That is a huge, big deal. Her teacher and I have been reassuring her, and it is finally paying off. And I am so very grateful that her teacher is on board. What a difference - we see results, Kerri feels safe, and no more nightmares!
Furthermore, Kerri is learning to understand the boy's reactions, and be kind and compassionate to him - but she also now knows that when he is not acting appropriately, she can speak up and action is taken and she does not have to put up with any abuse. Instead of shunning the boy, the class is learning to accept, forgive, and love him despite his sometimes mean and aggressive behaviour. And instead of excusing the boy, the school takes actions and the boy knows it is not OK - even if he cannot control himself - to behave badly towards others. And somehow it is working, because the kids still play with him and like him, and when he acts up they now immediately go to the teacher (instead of reacting to the boy). We could all learn a thing or two from these wonderful kids.
OK, enough about school. At Brownies, Kerri earned a few new badges. She still wants to go to gymnastics, and take art classes. Her asthma seems to be pretty much controlled this winter, and her psoriasis too. She keeps getting nosebleeds though, but we are now able to stop them pretty quickly. I think the humidifier in her room is helping - and the warmer winter too. And although we all love the snow...we are looking forward to an earlier Spring! Kerri can't wait to kick her soccer ball around, and now wants roller blades (and a pogo stick, a scooter, and a skateboard). It's going to be a very active Spring. And just like flowers grow in Spring, Kerri has been in a growth spurt too. We are having a hard time finding clothes that fit! She has some new size 7 jeans that are too tight around her hips, so we are moving up to size 8. We had to buy new panties in size 10 because the size 8 ones were starting to feel uncomfortable around her legs. And she outgrew her sneakers - we had to run out and buy a new pair (size 2) for school this past weekend. Kerri laughed and told me she will be taller than me by the time she is sixteen. Oy.
So Life with Kerri is back on track. Did you miss us?
So let's catch up. Kerri brought home her first report card. Considering all she has been going through and dealing with, I was not expecting such an awesome report card. We are so very proud of her for doing her best, and achieving such high scores! She finally made her first "A-" in Visual Arts. All her other grades vary between "B" and "B+". And she was graded "Excellent" in the areas of Responsibility, Independent Work, Initiative, and Collaboration. Yes, I am bragging - because my daughter has an IEP at school that is working! And now that the teachers know and use different methods to ensure her comprehension, and understand her issues, Kerri is blossoming in school - her grades reflect that accomplishment. I could not be prouder of my daughter; and so extremely grateful to her school and dedicated teachers.
Speaking of dedicated teachers...her teacher and I had another conversation yesterday. Kerri is finally speaking up and telling the teacher about her concerns regarding the bullying behaviour from the special needs student. It is a daily occurrence, and it happens to anyone - not just Kerri. But Kerri finally has put her fears aside and is trusting her teacher. That is a huge, big deal. Her teacher and I have been reassuring her, and it is finally paying off. And I am so very grateful that her teacher is on board. What a difference - we see results, Kerri feels safe, and no more nightmares!
Furthermore, Kerri is learning to understand the boy's reactions, and be kind and compassionate to him - but she also now knows that when he is not acting appropriately, she can speak up and action is taken and she does not have to put up with any abuse. Instead of shunning the boy, the class is learning to accept, forgive, and love him despite his sometimes mean and aggressive behaviour. And instead of excusing the boy, the school takes actions and the boy knows it is not OK - even if he cannot control himself - to behave badly towards others. And somehow it is working, because the kids still play with him and like him, and when he acts up they now immediately go to the teacher (instead of reacting to the boy). We could all learn a thing or two from these wonderful kids.
OK, enough about school. At Brownies, Kerri earned a few new badges. She still wants to go to gymnastics, and take art classes. Her asthma seems to be pretty much controlled this winter, and her psoriasis too. She keeps getting nosebleeds though, but we are now able to stop them pretty quickly. I think the humidifier in her room is helping - and the warmer winter too. And although we all love the snow...we are looking forward to an earlier Spring! Kerri can't wait to kick her soccer ball around, and now wants roller blades (and a pogo stick, a scooter, and a skateboard). It's going to be a very active Spring. And just like flowers grow in Spring, Kerri has been in a growth spurt too. We are having a hard time finding clothes that fit! She has some new size 7 jeans that are too tight around her hips, so we are moving up to size 8. We had to buy new panties in size 10 because the size 8 ones were starting to feel uncomfortable around her legs. And she outgrew her sneakers - we had to run out and buy a new pair (size 2) for school this past weekend. Kerri laughed and told me she will be taller than me by the time she is sixteen. Oy.
So Life with Kerri is back on track. Did you miss us?
Friday, February 17, 2012
First ceramic plate: "Polka Dots".
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Not again.
Remember this post? We pulled Kerri out of public school and sent her to Catholic school because of bullying. And we had a great first year. But alas, it is starting all over again...and it's the same story: a special needs student who gets aggressive with his classmates and uses inappropriate language and gestures. Just this past week, he pushed Kerri twice, stuck his tongue out at her, called her names, kicked her snow fort, and managed to do pretty much the same thing to several other classmates. He even tried to stab another student in the eye with a pencil - but got him in the back instead. Usually this happens during recess, or on the bus - or when a teacher was not watching. Sounds extremely familiar, right?
Except that this time, Kerri and I are better prepared, and in a better school. And we have had some serious talks. Because at first, Kerri was told by the teacher and myself to be nice to this boy. I was unaware of the extent of his outbursts, and boy do I feel guilty about this. We were told the boy likes Kerri, so they sat him next to her, paired him up with her in gym, and basically Kerri has had to put up with the abuse because he is special and likes her. So Kerri did not tell the teacher or me what was happening - she was afraid the teacher would get mad or tell her to be nice to him. But as soon as Kerri told me, I wrote a note and the teacher called me - and we have talked twice now this past week. My daughter (and yes I told her this) does not have to be nice to someone who bullies her - and irregardless of their special needs, they do not have a right to abuse my daughter verbally or physically. And since this all has happened before at the other school, Kerri is now being re-traumatized all over again: something I made very clear to the teacher was not acceptable. And I demanded they be separated in class, and at gym, which she agreed to do.
Kerri also has been reassured that if her teacher or anyone gets mad at her, she is to tell me right away. She knows I will do whatever is necessary so she feels safe. Her teacher has reassured us both. And then I bought Kerri two wonderful books, which have really helped us deal. So much so, that Kerri is not having nightmares and is back to going to bed by herself after getting tucked in.
The first book is called: "Have You Filled a Bucket Today? A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids." by Carol McCloud.
The second book is called: "What To Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide To Overcoming Anxiety" by Dawn Huebner, Ph.D.
Kerri told her teacher about her bucket book, and the teacher liked it so much she borrowed it and read it to the entire class. The second book has really helped Kerri deal with the bullying, and putting her worries into perspective. And of course we reinforce the positive and nurturing environment at home, and Kerri is constantly reassured that her parents have her back - no matter what. And that bullying is NOT acceptable - not even if there is a medical or emotional special need that is behind the behavior. We can all be understanding, but I draw the line when my child is being hurt. No one should have to worry about placating a bully and being nice to them over their own feelings, or to avoid bullying - that message alone is excusing the bully and re-victimizing my kid! Especially not at school, which is supposed to be a safe environment.
Which leads me to sharing this post: Views From The Couch . I can so relate.
I know I am repeating myself, but I cannot stress this enough. It is so not OK for Kerri to be told that she is getting all this unwanted attention from this boy simply because he likes her - or the fact that she has been told to be nice to him. I know I am (usually) teaching her to be kind and give the other cheek...but sometimes I wish I could just tell her to fight back. In the meantime, Kerri, the teacher and I have an understanding. I hope the teacher keeps her word - she has not let me down yet. And I am really praying the boy gets the help he needs at home - because there is only so much the school can do.
I also hope and pray that deep down, Kerri understands that this is not OK...and that she gains the confidence to speak up and continue sharing with us when things like this happen so we can intervene on her part. I cannot help the bully...but I can empower my daughter so she can stand up for herself and others. No matter what a teacher, school board, other parent, or society thinks.
Life with Kerri is not turning the other cheek this time.
Except that this time, Kerri and I are better prepared, and in a better school. And we have had some serious talks. Because at first, Kerri was told by the teacher and myself to be nice to this boy. I was unaware of the extent of his outbursts, and boy do I feel guilty about this. We were told the boy likes Kerri, so they sat him next to her, paired him up with her in gym, and basically Kerri has had to put up with the abuse because he is special and likes her. So Kerri did not tell the teacher or me what was happening - she was afraid the teacher would get mad or tell her to be nice to him. But as soon as Kerri told me, I wrote a note and the teacher called me - and we have talked twice now this past week. My daughter (and yes I told her this) does not have to be nice to someone who bullies her - and irregardless of their special needs, they do not have a right to abuse my daughter verbally or physically. And since this all has happened before at the other school, Kerri is now being re-traumatized all over again: something I made very clear to the teacher was not acceptable. And I demanded they be separated in class, and at gym, which she agreed to do.
Kerri also has been reassured that if her teacher or anyone gets mad at her, she is to tell me right away. She knows I will do whatever is necessary so she feels safe. Her teacher has reassured us both. And then I bought Kerri two wonderful books, which have really helped us deal. So much so, that Kerri is not having nightmares and is back to going to bed by herself after getting tucked in.
The first book is called: "Have You Filled a Bucket Today? A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids." by Carol McCloud.
The second book is called: "What To Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide To Overcoming Anxiety" by Dawn Huebner, Ph.D.
Kerri told her teacher about her bucket book, and the teacher liked it so much she borrowed it and read it to the entire class. The second book has really helped Kerri deal with the bullying, and putting her worries into perspective. And of course we reinforce the positive and nurturing environment at home, and Kerri is constantly reassured that her parents have her back - no matter what. And that bullying is NOT acceptable - not even if there is a medical or emotional special need that is behind the behavior. We can all be understanding, but I draw the line when my child is being hurt. No one should have to worry about placating a bully and being nice to them over their own feelings, or to avoid bullying - that message alone is excusing the bully and re-victimizing my kid! Especially not at school, which is supposed to be a safe environment.
Which leads me to sharing this post: Views From The Couch . I can so relate.
I know I am repeating myself, but I cannot stress this enough. It is so not OK for Kerri to be told that she is getting all this unwanted attention from this boy simply because he likes her - or the fact that she has been told to be nice to him. I know I am (usually) teaching her to be kind and give the other cheek...but sometimes I wish I could just tell her to fight back. In the meantime, Kerri, the teacher and I have an understanding. I hope the teacher keeps her word - she has not let me down yet. And I am really praying the boy gets the help he needs at home - because there is only so much the school can do.
I also hope and pray that deep down, Kerri understands that this is not OK...and that she gains the confidence to speak up and continue sharing with us when things like this happen so we can intervene on her part. I cannot help the bully...but I can empower my daughter so she can stand up for herself and others. No matter what a teacher, school board, other parent, or society thinks.
Life with Kerri is not turning the other cheek this time.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy Valentine's Day.
Yesterday Kerri and I were filling up goody bags and she was busy writing out Valentine's Day cards for her class. She took her task very seriously, because she wanted to make sure she did not give any of the boys in her class the wrong impression. When I asked her why, she said it was because she did not have a crush on any of them, and did not want a boyfriend for now.
As I hid my smirk, she carefully picked out vellum quotes to put into each bag of candy. I was impressed at how she tried to match the right quote to each classmate. For example, there is a boy in her class who really likes her. But he gets angry when she does not reciprocate - and he has done some not so nice things: like stick his tongue out, or kick her snow castle apart. So in his bag she placed a quote that said: "The only way to have a friend is to be one", by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
This morning, she was really excited, and said: "I wonder how many Valentine cards I will get?"
Happy Valentine's Day everyone.
Life with Kerri is blessed with love.
As I hid my smirk, she carefully picked out vellum quotes to put into each bag of candy. I was impressed at how she tried to match the right quote to each classmate. For example, there is a boy in her class who really likes her. But he gets angry when she does not reciprocate - and he has done some not so nice things: like stick his tongue out, or kick her snow castle apart. So in his bag she placed a quote that said: "The only way to have a friend is to be one", by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
This morning, she was really excited, and said: "I wonder how many Valentine cards I will get?"
Happy Valentine's Day everyone.
Life with Kerri is blessed with love.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Weekend pictures.
This weekend we celebrated Carol and Andre's pre-Valentine/Wedding Anniversary with a turkey dinner at home.
Hubby makes the yummiest gravy!
Kerri, Nana and Pookie hang out while waiting for the food....
And the happy couple celebrated over two decades of marriage.
Life with Kerri is spreading the love.
Hubby makes the yummiest gravy!
Kerri, Nana and Pookie hang out while waiting for the food....
And the happy couple celebrated over two decades of marriage. Life with Kerri is spreading the love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
